要问就问晚餐是否可口

不要问爱人是否称心

要问就问生财是否有道

不要问艺术是否无解

要问就问明天是否忙碌

不要问今夜是否纵情

不要在夜里十一点五十二分问

“你觉得什么是爱？”

或在凌晨一点二十六分问

“现在过得快乐吗？”

不要燎捻无人之域的旷野枯枝

不要剜去皮肉之下生锈溃败的齿骨

不要翻看下一页字句里生冷戏谑的嘲弄

不要执着人尽皆知的谜底

或妄图偷窥命运的结局

不要试探接过她未曾打磨清晰的浑浊矿石

或是剥除他羞于清点溯源的渍迹

尽头只有胶黑粗厉的句点

压垮生命的不是答案

而是问题

「问」

2024.06.28 Toronto

桥的两端

现实与幻想

禁忌和僭越

黑月亮和白月亮

太阳神的秩序和酒神的迷狂

字的幻象 漂浮 空悬 排列组合 旋转游荡

睁开眼 还是静止整齐的方框

你攥紧的指节 无声又均匀地撞击我的地壳

我地震的余波晃动山坳

你冰山下洋流的轨道平稳如旧

住在这架桥上 望着同一道光

我的白月亮照在天上

你的黑月亮打在水上

转身

你的背影也打在水上

在一片混沌中伸手描摹

那也是我影子的轮廓

桥上我们短暂相遇

用看不清彼此的方式

只有影子融在水里

两段幻象没有知觉地拥抱

就像你无知无觉地进入我

再悄无声息地离开

「在这座混乱矛盾的桥上」

2024.06.27 Toronto

I wish I were born with a deficiency to feel so that the nights are easier

Ain't the inner turmoils the only true content of life? Ain't happiness the momentary chemical effects in our brain to subdue the constant self-strangling we perform to ourselves?

But we say we live for happiness still

I mean the debate of life and death we serve in our head all the time, aren't we coded for self-destruction and not for an upbeat outlook on life in general?

But we live still

I wish I didn't have to go

I wish I didn't have to come

I wish I didn't have to move

I wish I could've always moved

I wish I could've always come

I wish I could've always gone

The insatiable loop of desires to end everything and to battle against these desires to end

"delusion, romance, same shit!"

Why didn't he love me? Why did I fall in love?

Why was I so susceptible to fantastical idealizations of them? Of those that are bound to be smashed in disappointments of disillusion

Oh, but the sweet delight of those tiny specks of time when limerence found me

Oh, those fantasies that I cannot live without

The pain of having to talk to people and the pleasure of having people to talk to

The comfort of a repeatable schedule and the gruesomeness of having to repeat it

I am such a finite being tortured by the infinite paradoxes

The night seems like a never-ending monologue, and I am the screenwriter

The night when I want to speak of everything in silence and talk to everyone but no one in particular

The night, passing through me, passing inside of me

Slicing up my body into shreds of wounded meat

And needling it up into a mute who mentions never of it

「Me, paradoxes, and the night」

2023.06.08 兰州 Lanzhou

I threw a stone in the well

It made a splash and an echo

I made a crack in the moon

The moon in the well

It quickly healed itself

Yet my stone sunk

Broken at the bottom of the well

And the echo is gone

For a short while

My eyes crossed yours

My hands locked yours

The well absorbs

Erases the pain you left on my neck

I remember the aches

Just like how I remember the shape of my stone

You are the well

Or you are the moon

Couldn't tell which is which

Icy and bitter water surrounds my stone

So does the soft and simmering moonlight

In the shape of my heart

Drawn in by the light

Shattered in the dark

「I made a crack in the moon, just for a short while」

2024.05.22 兰州 Lanzhou

I don’t know your name

But my heart fluttered when you told me the unbelievably gentle nickname of yours

I don’t know your job

But I understood well enough how much you hate the superficialities and futilities of life

I don't know where you live

But I'm so very flattered that you once were willing to let me into your space

I don't know how you fuck

But I sensed that you would light up my body just like how you lit up my mind with soft words and a hard kiss

I don't know who you used to love

But I shared your heartbreaks and nostalgia because I love just like you do

I don't know where you'd be

But I'm fine just waiting around the corner for your sweet smile to brighten the mundane

I don't know what you think

I don't know how you feel

I don't know what you'd say

But I actually know

I know your frustrations

I know your sentimentality

I know your hesitations

I know your weariness

I know when your heart beats for more

I know when your eyes are silenced by tears

I know everything you're afraid of others to know

Or the things you think I wouldn't know

Because I know you like I know me too

「I don’t know, but I know」

2024.05.11 兰州 Lanzhou

小狗翻垃圾桶找骨头吃

它吐掉了一些烟灰和塑料

又撕碎了一些卫生纸

啃了几口我吃剩的蓝莓和西红柿

酸奶碗里的残渣 也让它停留了好一会儿

它看着我把骨头扔了进去

全神贯注 再奋不顾身

食物的灰烬越累越高

小狗的口水也越拉越长

它知道那里面没有它最爱吃的牛肉干吧？

它知道 却一头扎了进去

好像我寻找爱的样子

可它不去这里 又能去哪里呢？

「找爱」

2024.05.08 兰州 Lanzhou

Your eyes, the greyish stares

Buried in the tainted streams of rainwater on the winter street

The gaze, once washed over me

The gaze, vanished by the horizon

The gaze, now devoid of buoyancy

Then I look away

It is still grey

It bids farewell in silence

And I quietly weep

2023.10.16

Toronto

有的时候我想的太多

不知道什么是欲望什么是爱情

也不知道它们重合的瞬间又变成了什么

就像你的口水

落进我的嘴里

它们变成了什么呢？

就像天上的雨

落在了柏油路上

路就变成了河吗？

2023.08.12

兰州

非常喜欢汪枭文

他是我的小太阳花

喜欢他内裤勒痕上的肚肚腩和脸上的痘坑

还有手心里长的拔不掉的倒刺

以及下巴上顽强生长的独苗胡子和冲天鼻毛

另外是肩头的黑痣和胸口的奇妙流脓毛孔

我的太阳花是全世界最美的

只有我每天对他说你怎么这么可爱

那就是我和我的太阳花之间的秘密

他丑得让其他人都看不懂

2022.07.20

Toronto

蛇的尖牙附着在黑洞的入口

我的想念在蛋壳的包裹之下

投入它扭曲变形的身体

如同向宇宙投射一条没有折返的声波

消失了

吞了我想你的念头

随着它菱纹的蜕落

丢失在山野

半透明的 挂在枝头

等你踩着落叶的脚步

裹着风

晃动它遗落的躯壳

2023.09.13

Toronto

无垠的旷野

清脆的雨滴坠落在新生的草坪上

晶莹剔透的荔枝肉表面 折射着我欲望的焦点

瞬间的妄想

在永恒的回望中固化凝结

褶皱的缝隙

皲裂的疮口

纹路堆积的山丘和斑驳公路交接之处

夕阳堕入夜的开口

我们倚着篝火取暖

燃烧那个赤身相拥的瞬间

2023.06.12

Toronto

像深海的幽闭光束

像半张的月牙在暗蓝的天上

像浅橘弱粉的夕阳余晕

吞咽不下的 嗓子眼里的隐痛

鼻腔里倾涌而戛然的酸

游动的鱼溢出眼眶

想他

只是淡淡地

结不出明艳的果子

唯有枯萎的枝桠

也无谓凛冬寥落侵蚀

2023.12.19

Mexico City